Annika Durum

Sometimes doors close or opportunities disappear after I’ve built them into my self identity, and all that’s left is “who am I now?” The answer is the same: I’m me. Myself. I’m exactly who I’ve always been. A single hobby, project, friendship, or moment doesn’t define me.

I know, objectively, that a door closing on an opportunity is usually another opportunity waiting to present itself. But a lot of doors have closed this year, and I can’t pretend that hasn’t been exhausting.

I am who I’ve always been. But I’m also completely different than I used to be. Both things are true at the same time, in the way that everything is true at the same time.

Winter is coming, but so is spring.
Things die, and things are born.

While I reconcile the end of each new path and the doors they open,
the world does it this simply:

Flowers bloom, brown, drop their seeds rest and wait to do it again.
The sun rises and the sun sets. The earth turns.

Let me stop grieving the things that end.
Let me look for the things beginning.

Easier said than done.

The sun rises because the sun sets. The flowers bloom because they die. I am who I’ve always been, but everything I am is a culmination of everything I’ve done, everyone I’ve loved, and the choices I’ve made along the way.

I don’t think I’m alone in falling into these periods of self-reflection but where do the exercises in self-reflection bring us? Can we actually know ourselves? Maybe. Maybe not.

I’m only a culmination of the things I love, but the things I love are unique to me. The sun rises and the sun sets, but how and where and if I choose to view those cycles from is mine and mine alone.

Is that too r/im14andthisisdeep? Sorry. I never promised that self-reflection wasn’t cringe.

If it isn’t clear, I’ve been going through it. Several surgeries this year. My youngest niece passing away. Not only breaking but shattering my hand. Work turmoil. Health complications. The termination of my book deal a month before publication.

It’s been hard not to take this whole year personally. Thanks, 2026.

But the only way out is through, so. On we go.